


flying through the freefall

by bitterheart



Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22695400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterheart/pseuds/bitterheart
Summary: "Never," Sylvain promises. "I'm never leaving you alone again. Until the day we die.""That's a long time. You'll get bored of me.""Never," Sylvain replies confidently.Childhood memories and broken promises.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Glenn Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627099
Comments: 5
Kudos: 111





	flying through the freefall

**Author's Note:**

> This is written (belatedly) for FE3H Song Week Day 4: Red by Taylor Swift. Title taken from the lyrics of the same song.

_loving him was red_  
_oh, red, burning red_

Felix doesn't remember the first time Sylvain makes him cry. Or even the tenth. That's the thing about growing up together, he supposes. He's known Sylvain for as long as he can remember knowing anyone or anything. Two years older but still nowhere near as bossy as Glenn, Sylvain has always been his best friend who lives next door. Their rooms face each other, second storey windows facing out over the fence between their houses, a boundary that they barely acknowledge. They spend so much time together that it's rare to see them apart. Even when they're fighting, it's always so easy to make up, to forgive each other and move on because being angry about something never feels as important as being together.

This time, however, Felix doesn't know if they'll ever make up.

Felix is eleven and Sylvain is thirteen, having just changed schools. He's decided that he's too old to play with Felix, that Felix is too much of a baby, and that he's boring anyway. Sylvain would rather hang out with his new friends and Felix doesn't know any of their names because Felix doesn't care. He's hiding in his room, crying because Sylvain called him a baby, crying harder because he hates that he's proving Sylvain right. His curtains are open and he hides at the corner of his bed so Sylvain can't see him. Not that it matters. Ever since changing schools, Sylvain's always kept his curtains pulled shut like he doesn't even want to look at Felix. 

"Do you want me to do something?" Glenn asks, leaning against the doorframe of Felix's room with his arms folded across his chest. "I could embarrass him in front of his new friends."

Glenn is three years older than Sylvain and constantly looking for a fight. It doesn't help that he usually finds his fights with Sylvain's brother, Miklan. 

Felix shakes his head, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

"You're so gross," Glenn says affectionately, grabbing the tissue box off Felix's desk and sitting at the edge of his bed. "Here." 

"You're a hundred times cooler than Sylvain," Felix sniffs once his face is dry. "You can be my new best friend."

"You've got other friends," Glenn laughs, pulling Felix into a headlock that turns into a small tussle and ends up in a bear hug. "You've got Ingrid and Dimitri. Besides, you'll be friends with Sylvain again sometime. Everyone changes as they get older. That's just what's happening to him."

"He's changing into a mean person," Felix mutters into Glenn's chest. "I hate him."

"He just wants attention," Glenn tells him. "So ignore him next time. He'll hate that. It'll be so funny."

Felix takes Glenn's advice. When Sylvain pretends that Felix isn't there, Felix pretends right back. Just like Glenn predicts, he hates it. Felix doesn't predict the way that it turns Sylvain meaner. Sylvain starts knocking Felix's things over. Felix keeps ignoring him. Sylvain knocks right into Felix, his bigger frame throwing Felix off balance for a moment until he finds his feet and keeps walking. Sylvain's anger is a quiet and spiteful thing, festering until it takes form as him ruining the Lego construction Felix has been working on for weeks.

Felix is sitting in the front yard, in the shade of a tree as he works on the castle he's been building. He ignores Sylvain as he walks past and the next thing Felix knows, Sylvain is standing over him and the castle is topping over with a crunch that makes his heart sink, Lego bricks scattering into the grass. 

"Hey Felix." Sylvain's smile is sharp.

Felix wants to cry. He bites the inside of his cheek, looking up and holding Sylvain's gaze. "You're acting like Miklan."

A shadow passes over Sylvain's face. Sylvain's older brother is the closest thing to evil that Felix knows. He hurts people, he steals things, he makes everything around him miserable, and he started off doing it to Sylvain long before he ever did it to anyone else.

"Take that back."

"No." Felix carefully turns his castle upright, torn between wanting to look at the damage and not wanting to think about how much more work he'll have to do fix it. "It's the truth. People change when they get older. You're becoming just like him."

" _Take it back_." Sylvain's voice is shaking now, his hands clenched into fists. He takes a step closer to Felix's castle. 

Felix stands up, blocking his path and frowning as deeply as he can. "You walk around thinking you're so great but you're just a bad person who likes making other people feel bad. Just like him and I hate you." 

"You're wrong!" Sylvain shoves Felix hard, sending him stumbling backwards. 

Felix trips over his castle, breaking it into pieces and falling hard, scraping both his elbows. Sylvain is looking down at him, like he can't believe what he's just done. Felix can't hold it in any longer. He starts crying, loud and terrible sobs that make his entire body shake. Sylvain looks horrified, dropping to his knees in front of Felix, trying to comfort him even as Felix knocks his hands away between sobs.

"I'm sorry!" Sylvain looks as distraught as Felix feels. "I didn't mean to—I'm sorry. Felix, I'm sorry." 

That's how Glenn finds them, storming across the yard and grabbing Sylvain by the collar of his shirt. "What did you do?"

"I ruined everything," Sylvain says in a small voice. "I didn't mean to do it. Please Felix, you have to believe me."

"He doesn't have to do anything." Glenn wraps an arm around Felix protectively. "And you need to leave him alone."

Felix is still crying as Glenn ushers him inside. He can't stop, going upstairs to his room and curling up on his bed. Glenn sits down next to him, rubbing circles into his back until the sobs finally settle down.

"I told him he was becoming just like Miklan," Felix mumbles into his pillow.

"Wow." Glenn almost sounds thrilled. "Hit him right where it hurts."

"He's never going to be my friend again," Felix says miserably. "I hurt his feelings."

"Excuse me? He made _you_ cry. Besides, he ruined your castle."

"I don't care about the stupid castle." Felix surprises himself as he says it. "It's just a castle. But he's—Sylvain was my best friend. I miss him, Glenn. He's never going to talk to me again."

"I don't think that's true," Glenn tells him. "Just give it some time. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Felix spends the rest of the weekend in his room, trying to sleep so he can ignore how much his elbows hurt. He hears the rattle of Lego blocks as someone walks up the stairs and to his room but he's still not expecting it when it turns out to be Sylvain, carrying a giant plastic tub.

"I'll go if you want me to," is the first thing Sylvain says.

"Stay," Felix tells him.

The smile that Sylvain gives him is bright with relief. He puts the plastic tub down, filled to the brim with Lego, and goes over to sit on the floor by Felix's bed.

"I'm sorry," Sylvain says. "Not just for the castle and for pushing you over but for everything. I've been a jerk."

Felix shifts on his bed, resting his head against Sylvain's. "Yeah."

"I'm really not too cool to hang out with you. I'm a loser."

"I know."

Sylvain huffs out a laugh. "I missed my best friend."

Felix wraps his arms around Sylvain's shoulders. "Yeah, well, he missed you too, stupid. Don't do that again."

"Never," Sylvain promises. "I'm never leaving you alone again. Until the day we die."

"That's a long time. You'll get bored of me."

"Never," Sylvain replies confidently. "Now, come on. I picked up your Lego from the front yard and brought mine over too. We're gonna make the best damn castle in the world."  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
True to their word, Felix and Sylvain become inseparable. It's an impressive feat, when they were already so attached at the hip when they were younger but they carve out spaces for each other in every aspect of their lives. Felix becomes Felix-and-Sylvain and he likes it. Sylvain is _his_ , just like he is Sylvain's and nothing can change that.

Not until Sylvain gets his first girlfriend. 

Sylvain has always been one to notice girls and Felix has always just taken it into stride with some fond exasperation. Felix doesn’t understand the appeal and it’s never really mattered because at the end of the day, Sylvain finishes flirting and goes back to whatever they were doing together. 

This time feels different. 

Sylvain’s grinning as he tells Felix about his girlfriend. She’s in his classes at school and Felix has seen her before; she’s just a little shorter than Felix, her dark hair pulled back into a tight braid. She wears glasses, and they look just like the ones that Felix started wearing a week ago. 

It's probably just a coincidence. The optometrist _did_ say these frames were popular when Felix chose them. 

"Congratulations," Felix says, and he thinks he means it.

He doesn't realise until a few weeks later that he doesn't mean it at all. Not when Sylvain spends so much of his time with her instead of Felix. He hates the way Sylvain smiles at her, all gentle and fond because that's usually the smile he saves for Felix and no one else. 

Most of all, he hates the way he feels happy when they break up a month later. Especially when Sylvain is miserable about it, flopped across Felix's bed as he mopes.

"She said I spent too much time with you," Sylvain complains. He's half on top of Felix like an oversized cat, and Felix sits with his back against the wall, Sylvain's head resting on his knee. "It's like I'm not allowed to have friends or something."

"That's ridiculous," Felix mutters. It felt like he and Sylvain barely spend any time together for the past few weeks. He doesn't understand how anyone could expect him to spend even less time with Sylvain. That isn't even fair.

"Oh well." Sylvain sighs heavily, and if he's in the mood for dramatics then he can't be all that upset any more. "I'll just have to move on. There are other girls out there."

It's not exactly the conclusion Felix was hoping for, but Sylvain is smiling again so maybe it's not that bad. Except day after day, Sylvain is surrounded by girls and clearly thriving on their attention, flirting with them all in turns. Sylvain discovers how much he likes girls and Felix discovers how much he relates to Taylor Swift, hating everything as he sits in his room and relates to the way she sings, _you belong with me_.

Felix doesn't even want to try and push through the crowd around Sylvain, so he just gives up instead. 

"Why are you sulking?" Glenn asks, when he finds Felix sitting alone in his room. "You've got your special song playing. Did Sylvain get a new girlfriend?"

"I dunno." Felix pouts. "Maybe. Shut up. I'm not sulking."

"Of course you're not." Glenn snorts quietly. "Who's Sylvain dating now? Some girl who wears the same hoodie as you?" 

"The glasses thing was a coincidence."

"Uh huh. I noticed that all the girls he ends up going out with are tiny and sharp-tongued just like you. Has he considered just dating you instead?" 

Felix throws his pillow across the room. Glenn dodges it easily, picking it up and throwing it right back at him. 

"You could do better than the attention-seeking mess who lives next door," Glenn says before he turns to leave.

"Shut up!" Felix shouts after him. "That's my best friend!"

"And that's your own damn fault," Glenn calls back with laughter in his voice.

It doesn't occur to Felix until several days later that maybe Glenn thinks that he actually wants to date Sylvain. 

The thought makes his entire brain short circuit. Sylvain, who is walking beside him at the time, stops and gives him a quizzical look.

"Everything okay?"

It is not.

"Yeah." Felix doesn't meet Sylvain's eyes. "Why wouldn't it be?"

They keep walking. Felix steals a glance at Sylvain's face. He's heard so many girls talk about how attractive Sylvain is, and he's never really thought too hard about it. Sylvain's always just looked like _Sylvain_ but as Felix keeps looking, he thinks that maybe he can understand what they're talking about. 

It's downhill from there. 

Felix has never been one to do things in halves, so it makes sense that when he realises that he's got a crush on Sylvain, he goes right from _we're just friends_ all the way to _help, goddess, please let me think about something else for a change_.

He's so painfully obvious about it, he's sure that Sylvain notices. Glenn definitely notices, alternating between grinning at him like it's the most hilarious thing in the world and shaking his head like he couldn't be more disappointed. Felix tries to bury the feeling because he misses what they had before. He misses being able to hang out with Sylvain without being incredibly aware of all the places their arms are touching, or overthinking every single expression on Sylvain's face, or secretly celebrating how Sylvain still chooses to spend time with him instead of whichever girl he's dating this time. 

They're lying sprawled out in Felix's back yard one autumn afternoon when Felix nearly kisses Sylvain. The trees are changing colours and losing their leaves, and they're lying under a tree that's almost bare in preparation for the winter. One of its last leaves falls from the tree, floating through the air and landing on top of Sylvain's head. 

Felix laughs, turning onto his side and reaching over to pick the leaf out of Sylvain's hair. "You're matching. Your hair is almost the same colour as this leaf."

Sylvian holds Felix's arm, squeezing gently. "Really?"

Felix's fingers pause in Sylvain's hair, even with the leaf gone. It would be so easy to curl his fingers into that hair, to pull Sylvain closer and fit their mouths together. He considers it as he stares at Sylvain, whose gaze has gone soft and unfocused. He looks perfectly content where he is. Felix wants nothing more than he wants Sylvain to stay right here. 

"Fe—"

"Sylvain!" a loud voice interrupts them. It's Miklan, walking around the side. Felix and Sylvain jerk apart, like they've been caught doing something wrong.

Miklan looks between the two of them, a knowing expression settling on his face. Felix can't even look at him, too uncomfortable, too open. 

This is how Felix learns his first lesson about Miklan: to never let him think he has one of your secrets.

For a week, nothing happens. There's no confrontation, there's no screaming or crying or arguing. Felix gets uneasier as the time stretches on, until the tension finally snaps. 

It happens in the form of Felix coming home from school to find a removal truck parked in the driveway of Sylvain's house. Sylvain is sitting on the front porch, looking miserable. Felix runs to him.

"What's happening?" Felix demands. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know." Sylvain's eyebrows are drawn together. "My parents just said we're moving today. It's happening right away."

"You _can't_." Felix can feel his eyes welling up. 

Sylvain laughs wetly, reaching over and taking Felix's hands in his. "Don't cry."

"Sylvain!" his father's booming voice calls from inside the house. "You still have to carry your boxes to the front!"

Turning to Felix, Sylvain smiles sadly. "Maybe I can come back and visit. Or maybe you can visit me? You have my number. It's not like I'm going to disappear. I'll always be there, Felix."

"Don't say goodbye." Felix is definitely crying now. "Don't you dare—you promised we'd always be together."

"I know. I'm sorry." Sylvain gets to his feet, pulling Felix into his arms. He's tall enough that he can rest his chin on the crown of Felix's head. "I don't care where they take me. I'll find my way back." 

"Sylvain—"

 _Sylvain_!" his father calls again, angrier this time. Sylvain flinches against Felix. 

Sylvain strokes his hand over Felix's hair, looking at him like he's committing the sight to memory. "I have to go."  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Glenn promises that he'll cheer Felix up, even when it's been weeks since Sylvain's family has moved and the house next door stands there like an empty shell that reminds Felix of what he's lost. 

"We'll watch movies, or build whatever you want with Lego, or do anything else you want," Glenn tells him. "You'll have so much fun that you'll forget all about Sylvain. It'll be great." 

Except Glenn doesn't get to keep that promise. 

It's the start of a cold winter when Felix's feet carry him down the familiar path he's always taken when he's too upset to deal with it himself. He gets as far as resting his finger on the doorbell before he remembers that the house is empty. That Sylvain isn't there to put him back together this time. 

Felix is thirteen.

Sylvain is fifteen and gone, his phone ringing out until it reaches voice mails that he never replies to.

Glenn was eighteen, and he'll never be nineteen.

Felix is thirteen and all alone.


End file.
